Taking a Shot at Forever: My Tinder Love Story & The Lesson It Taught Me

I am in my late 30s, standing at the crossroads of hope and heartbreak, longing to find “the One”. Some days, I feel hopeless, but deep down, a part of me remains hopeful. And because of that hope, I decided to take a leap of faith—I downloaded Tinder.

After swiping, I encountered a man who instantly caught my attention. He was everything I was looking for: financially stable, young and retired, fun to be with, and the kind of man every woman my age would dream of meeting.

We hit it off immediately, chatting for hours before deciding to meet in person. That night, we went out with friends, and he insisted on covering the bill, telling me how happy he was to have met me.

He was a traveler, originally planning to stay for just a few days. But something about our connection made him extend his stay near my apartment for another week. I felt special. I felt chosen. He even invited me to Bali with him. I was thrilled. But then, suddenly, he stopped mentioning it. He went on the trip alone, and I ignored the glaring red flag waving before me.

When he returned, we picked up right where we left off. We officially became a couple. He was from the West and planned to escape the brutal winter by spending half the year in Asia. It was perfect. I saw our future so clearly—I would start a business in my home country, and together, we would build a life between two worlds.

He would send me pictures of his family and daily life every day, and I would do the same. We were happy. Or so I thought.

Then came my birthday. He promised to give me a plane ticket to the Philippines. I was over the moon. I planned our trip, watched travel vlogs, and imagined all the places we’d visit together. 

But December came, and no ticket arrived. Nothing. Eventually, he said he had already booked a flight, another red flag I ignored—how stupid I was. Still, I booked my flight, covering the expenses myself.

I noticed he always spoke in “I” statements as if I wasn’t even a part of his plans. My gut twisted, but I ignored it. When I finally confronted him, he seemed surprised—almost irritated. In frustration, I told him to travel alone if he wanted. His response? A simple, “Oh my God.”

Our conversations started shifting.

The warmth in his words faded. I told myself we were okay and that the trip would fix everything. But deep inside, I knew something was off.

He had practically disappeared. He claimed to be busy remodeling his house and too occupied to text me. As the days passed, my heart grew heavier. I told myself that it would be okay if he didn’t show up—I had a backup plan. I spent the first three days with my family, making memories, but in the back of my mind, I kept waiting for his message.

It never came.

On the day he was supposed to arrive, I waited. Nothing.

The next day, nothing.

I called. No answer.

I messaged. Silence.

I was humiliated, angry, and crushed. He had abandoned me without a word. He made me feel like a fool. I had spent money, made plans, and invested my emotions—only to be discarded like an afterthought.

Not knowing what else to do, I went to the church in Cebu, known for its miracles. I sat there, pouring my heart out to God, asking why. Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn’t he at least give me an explanation?

And then, as I stepped out of the church, my phone beeped. It was him, with a lengthy message explaining everything. And despite everything, my foolish heart forgave him.

He said he would message me again. I waited. But while waiting, I made a decision—I wouldn’t put my life on hold for someone who treated me like an option.

I booked a tour to Moalboal. I met the resort’s owner, connected with other travelers, laughed, sang, and swam with turtles and sharks. For the first time in weeks, I felt free and happy. And for a moment, I forgot about him. Or maybe I finally started letting him go.

The Lesson:

This experience taught me a lesson I will carry for life—never ignore red flags. Love should make you feel valued, not like an afterthought. Most importantly, never lose yourself in the process of loving someone else.

To all the women looking for their forever—don’t settle for a love that leaves you questioning your worth. Real love doesn’t make you beg for attention. It doesn’t make you feel like you’re chasing after someone who doesn’t see you.

And if you ever find yourself in a situation like mine, remember this: Sometimes, the trip you were meant to take wasn’t with them—it was back to yourself.

-Lai Lah