Building Connections: What I’ve Learned About Relationships

Growing up, I was raised in a traditional two-parent household. My father was a pastor, and that meant I spent most of my childhood in and around church. Our family moved a lot because of his work, and every new town brought a new congregation and new faces to meet. I saw families coming and going—dressed in their Sunday best, holding hands, and smiling as if everything in their lives was perfect.

But as I got older, I started to notice what those big smiles and fancy clothes couldn’t hide. Every family had its secrets, its struggles. For some, the cracks were barely noticeable, hidden under polished surfaces. For others, you could sense the weight they were carrying just by the way they walked through the door. It was in those quiet observations, sitting on wooden pews or watching the congregation from afar, that I learned one simple truth: every relationship is unique.

It didn’t matter how wealthy, attractive, or smart someone appeared to be. No two connections were ever the same. Some people were quick to judge, whispering behind their hands about who was falling apart or who didn’t “belong.” Others didn’t care—they embraced the differences and let people exist without the burden of expectations.

When I think about relationships today—whether romantic, platonic, or even family connections—I carry that understanding with me. Relationships don’t fit into neat little boxes. They’re as messy and beautiful as the people in them. So if you’re navigating something like polyamory or just trying to figure out how to make your relationships work, here’s what I’ve learned that might help.

1. Communication is Everything

Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s. What works for one person may not work for you, and that’s okay. Celebrate the unique bond you have with each person in your life.

2. Be Honest, Always

I’ve seen how secrets can slowly unravel even the strongest connections. Honesty, even when it’s hard, builds trust. It’s better to have tough conversations now than to let resentment grow later.

3. Communication is Everything

I can’t tell you how many families I’ve seen fall apart because they couldn’t—or wouldn’t—talk to each other. Share your feelings, even the uncomfortable ones. Good communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about listening, too.

4. Boundaries Keep Things Healthy

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting people out. It’s about creating space for everyone to feel respected and valued. Be clear about what you need and take the time to understand what others need from you.

5. Jealousy Isn’t the Enemy

Jealousy is normal—it’s what you do with it that matters. Instead of letting it fester, use it as an opportunity to reflect on your insecurities and communicate them with your partner. Growth often comes from the moments that challenge us the most.

6. Self-Care is Non-Negotiable

You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re balancing multiple relationships, or even just trying to be present for one, take time for yourself. Recharge, reflect, and remind yourself of what you bring to the table.

7. Growth Takes Time

One of the most beautiful things I’ve learned is that relationships, like people, evolve. They grow, they change, and sometimes they even end—and that’s okay. Growth isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary.

Looking back at my childhood, I realize that those families I watched weren’t perfect. None of us are. But perfection isn’t the goal. The goal is connection—real, honest, messy, and beautiful. Whatever your relationship looks like, know that it doesn’t have to fit anyone else’s mold.

At the end of the day, love isn’t about how it looks to others. It’s about how it feels to you.